Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
