Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's always time for handjobs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
