her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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