I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
