remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
