mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
