So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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