Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just high enough for therapy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
