I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize