My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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