I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize