why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
