I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
