She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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