I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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