Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think i have two assholes
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
