I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
