She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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