I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
