Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize