I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
