Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
