Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
