69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
