What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
