we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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