If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
