Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize