Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
