so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
