Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
