He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
