Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis

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(718): View more from New York

There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.

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(817): View more from Texas

Do you have any booze?

(214): View more from Texas

Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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(613): View more from Ontario

NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER

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(805): View more from California

Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!

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(269): View more from Michigan

1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.

(269): View more from Michigan

7) Noodle arms: engage

(269): View more from Michigan

The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.

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(647): View more from Ontario

You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only

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(360): View more from Washington

Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Nope.

(360): View more from Washington

You kept saying you had to be safe.

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(561): View more from Florida

Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.

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