Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
