but the lizard people decide everything anyway
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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