I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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