Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
