She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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