You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
