he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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