if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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