Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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