Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
