Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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