Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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