I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
