I'm so fucking centered right now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
