I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
