rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
