i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
