Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
