i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
