so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
