That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
