Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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