I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
