Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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