I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
