can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
