I wanna passion pit in your ass
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
