Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
