I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize