I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is my gift to your gina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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