paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
