you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
