great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
