my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
