Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
