i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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