you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
