Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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