I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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